Hi Chu. While your writing is rather cumbersome, you are wrong about it being incoherent. Your presentation makes sense. It is understandable and offers information that the reader is familiar with. Therefore, this is a an essay that has some grammar and sentence structure issues, but delivers in terms of content and clarity. I would not worry so much about the sentence structure problems because this did not affect the overall presentation of your essay. You can actually consider yourself to be an intermediate user. You know more than the basic English language and how to use it, but you still have problems with its usage at certain times.

The only way you can continue to get better at English writing is by doing exactly what you are doing, keep on writing. Respond to essay prompts, keep a journal, write a blog, read books, watch English movies or Chinese movies with English sub-titles, anything and everything that will keep you immersed in the English language. Join English chatrooms, write to your friends in English, there are just so many ways you can continue to build upon your good language foundation.

The main point is this, in order to improve, you must immerse yourself in the language, even if it means talking to your friends and parents in English rather than your native tongue. These are some of the best ways to improve your language skills.