Dear lovely Adriene, thank you for your "LOVE" letter. It was just perfect for me this week, and just what I needed to read and it really resonates. On Tuesday I attended the funeral of my dear Grandad. I thought that I'd shed all my tears when I heard that he died. But I really hadn't. I spent Tuesday desparately trying to put on a brave face, for the sake of my Grandma and my Mum (because I love them and didn't want them to hurt) but I failed and tears flowed because of how much I love my Grandad. At the end of the day I was exhausted, utterly. It's many years since my other Grandparents died and I'd naively thought this would be easier "because I'm older now", which was stupid. Because I'm older I had more years to know my Grandad and more years to love him so I feel his loss even more. I hadn't realised that grief could physically hurt so much! Tuesday and yesterday I felt as though someone had punched me in the chest, hit me over the head and for good measure trampled up and down my entire body!
All yesterday (Wednesday) the ache in my heart was a searing pain and I sat alone at my desk with tears flowing and the loss of my beloved Grandad tearing right through me. On Tuesday after the long day of the funeral I'd found it impossible to do any Yoga. All I could do was cry. Yesterday evening my tears had finally dried but all I could manage was child's pose on my bed. Today I will try to get back on the mat and practise some self-love. I know my Grandad would want me to look after myself and not to hurt. My brain says it's ok, but my heart will take a while to catch up. He was 98 years old! He lived a good and long life and one filled with love as our tears stand testimony to. Today I can think of my Grandad with love winning over pain and remember all the happy times we had together. I think it will take a lot of time for me to stop missing him. Perhaps I will always miss him. But gradually, and with the help of some Yoga, I think the love can beat the pain.
So, after my long and rambling post, if I have a request for you Adriene, can you do a sequence for grief? It's something that sadly everyone will probably need from time to time. So if you can do a soothing and healing practice to ease that pain in heart and soul it would be really appreciated. I love doing Yoga with you so much - you cheer me and soothe me and stretch me and challenge me. Thank you! Much love to you from grey old England.