Growing up, my father was a drunk. Alcohol was his first priority. His second was my older brother. He played hockey, like my father. It was something they shared. Something my dad could help him with. Then helping turned into coaching, and coaching turned into controlling, and controlling turned into obsession. My brother would cry because he didn't want to skate anymore. But crying was weakness, he was acting like a girl, that's 15 more laps. When my brother turned 16, he finally got free of my dad's control. My dad sobered up, and to make up to my brother, he bought him cigarettes and beer for his friends. He was the cool dad. Soon enough, tobacco turned into weed, beer turned into Vodka. He's almost 19 now, and is an addict. He chose substance abuse over my mother, little sister and me. This, my brother, is the one who raised me. Taught me to ride a bike, spit, and climb trees.
Moving onto my personal relationship with my father, I don't have one. He left my sister and I up for my mom because he was focused on my brother. When he was around, I always seemed to do something wrong. This led to screaming, cussing, and hitting. He wasn't there when I was molested, anorexic, self harming, or getting drunk. He avoided the problem, and still does ignore my cutting. He thinks I'm seeking attention, but I didn't even want him to find out. The past few years, he's tried to buy my love with hundreds of dollars. He doesn't get it. Yes, I'm proud of him for being clean, but I need a father. I'm almost 15 now, and I turn to guys instead of my daddy when I need to feel loved. I turn to alcohol instead of my daddy when I need to feel happy. And I turn to razor blades instead of my daddy when I need to feel anything at all.
My father's relationship with my mother was violent. She's not allowed to do much. He always suspects she's cheating. He throws things, and breaks things. He screams and swears, and verbally and emotionally abuses her. I've never seen him lay a hand on her though.
My father's been getting better. He's not really violent anymore. He no longer tries to buy my love, and we're talking more. He still has a lot of problems, but I'm so grateful I have him. He may now win a Father of the Year Award, but I love him anyways. We all make mistakes. I love that man so much. One day we'll be friends, but he's always been my daddy.